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Valentine Redux

I did something I used to call The Urban Time Trial, more than twenty years ago. I described it then as a little-appreciated sport, not recognized by the United States Cycling Federation. Unlike an ordinary time trial, which typically followed an out-and-back route on an isolated rural road that had been closed, blockaded, and sometimes even specially cleaned for the event, an urban time trial was run in a major metropolis amid rush-hour traffic. There were no specific rules to govern the safe conduct of the sport. Traffic laws were selectively jettisoned, since cops on the west side of Chicago--where I lived then--hardly ever enforced them against (nor in favor of) bicyclists anyhow. Of course, the Urban Time Trial was mostly in my head. I was an angry young man and back then overly aggressive scofflaw traffic-jamming in and around Chicago's Loop on a fancy racing bike was my way of venting, even expressing my angst. Of course, I did have things to be angry about--I suppose I'll get to explaining that.

These days, I still ride a bike--I commute nine miles to work when I'm not traveling and Janie still rides the tandem with me when the weather's nice. But instead of clenching myself like a fist over the steel knuckles of a bike and riding like I thought I was going to punch right through the sky, now on cold mornings I coax myself away from Janie and the warmth of our bed to get out there with layers of wool and windstopping fabric because Janie and my doctor tell me it's good for my heart, my lungs, my hips, and, mostly, because I know it's good for my head.

Friday evening after I got home from the airport and only the dogs were home to greet me like a Dino Flintstone duo, I went upstairs to shower and found a new sweater in an open gift box on the bed with a small valentine card from Janie:

I can return this if you think I should, but I bought it before I knew I was going to lose my job. Maybe we can pretend tonight that we still don't know about that? I love you and I've missed you this week, and I'll be home around 7:00. Can we pretend tonight is valentine's again? --Janie

It's a beautiful Dale of Norway wool sweater. It probably cost more than my first racing bike did when I was a teenager. It probably cost more than the 60-Gig iPod I was planning to buy for Carl's 17th birthday next month. Black with a rich celtic-inspired pattern in orange and forest green across the chest, it's stunning. The high collar has a soft velvety liner, and Janie has laid a black button-down with thin forest green pinstriping--a precise match for the green in the sweater--beside the box.

I shower, I shave, I spray my chest with Janie's favorite cheap woodsy cologne from Bath & Body, and I put on the shirt and black slacks and the sweater and I gel & muss my hair the way she likes it and I admire myself in the mirror for a moment before walking downstairs.

Janie is sitting on the couch beside the fireplace, Chumba's large snout in her lap. "Do you like it?" she asks.

"You're beautiful."

Her big hazel eyes play beautifully with her earrings--deep green turquoise spades surrounded by her long, luscious mahogany hair shimmering in the firelight. Her dark v-neck sweater frames a necklace of silver and turquoise that seems naturally to direct the gaze to her modest yet inviting cleavage. She stands, smoothing her skirt and petting Chumba's head and shoulders reassuringly. She meets me at the bottom of the stairs with a kiss, her leather boots making her almost precisely my height. "Your sweater is beautiful," she says.

"It is."

And we managed a pretty good job of pretending we didn't know yet about the business with her job, although much of our conversation was enthusiastic banter of her better career opportunities, now that she was finished with Mario.

"You've calmed down about all that," I said at one point, sitting near the big fireplace at Pier 509 in Hudson, nudging the last morsel of sea bass on my plate.

"I almost called him back. After I realized how relieved I really was to be through with him, I was sorry I didn't just say 'Thank you' to the slimy old prick."

I lift my Tanqueray & tonic in invitation and Janie lifts hers. "To Mario," we both say, clinking glasses.

And today, this morning, I peeled myself away from Janie a little slower than normal. In fact, I got up and went to pee and then instead of pulling on my favorite wool baselayer I crawled back into bed to spoon with my naked Janie for a few more minutes.

"I don't want to go back," Janie mumbled.

"Of course not," I say, pulling her hair away from her cheek so that I can kiss it. "You're not going back to work with him again, ever."

"I mean sales. I'm sick of sales. I need to do something else. Something--something completely--" she rolls over onto her stomach, buries her face in her pillow.

"Completely what?" I ask softly.

"Completely, just completely else."

Downstairs in the kitchen I filled a water bottle with my favorite morning ride mix of half skim, half strong coffee. I pulled on the rest of my layers and wheeled my favorite road bike outside into the crisp February air to greet the dawn. Pedaling across the packed snow and ice and gravel of our driveway and then the dry salty frozen pavement of the county roads where we live on the Minnesota side of the St. Croix River Valley, I finally let my mind carefully wander to what Janie's going to do now.

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